One Heartbeat Lost in the Crowd
by Lizsername
Summary: Christian Coma never thought he would be in a sitution like this. The only safe place for him is touring with Black Veil Brides. Him and Gerard Way, lead singr of My Chemical Romance, are in love. What is going on Behind scences? Who knows about it? Slash
1. you know you got everybody fooled

**A/N: Hello BVB and MCR fandom. **

**First off, killjoys, don't kill me because of Gerard. BVB Army, don't kill me because of CC. RageandLove01 is watching you ;). **

**Anywho, this fic comes a lot from the heart. I remember hearing stories about my friend who faked her abused a bit. She told me her mother beat her; I haven't heard about it since. I though remember my mother talking about being in an abusive relationship. I love my mother dearly at points. I just don't know how she made it through alive. I heard my friends talk about their friends in couples like this. I heard my own friend get punched by her boyfriend. It scares me and I hope I never get in one. This fic is to all of you who have developed this fear. Just know that someday you'll find someone who will love you the way you are. **

Chapter 1 you know you got everybody fooled

_Christian Coma_

You were in sex education at point. You were taught the edification of relationship. You learned about straight and homosexual ones; you learned how one can be sexually and one cannot. You were taught about rape and abuse and how it can happen to anyone. Well, I am that anyone.

Of course, no one thinks we can be in this situation. Some people think it happens for a reason. I don't at all. If this happened for a reason, then what reason at all? Why am I haunted by this every single day? I don't know exactly why. I just know it's the hardest thing to ever get out of.

I thought he was sweet. The first time we met, his hair was red. A smirk was all I needed for him to cast a spell. I was the victim; I didn't want to be. I don't want to be. _I want to get out, dead or alive. _

On tour, I try to be the tough and funny one. Every night though, I'm stuck in our bathroom, crying. Every moment of every tour I don't want to let go. I don't want to leave; I want to be on stage, drumming my heart out. I want to be by fans and the band who love me. When tour ends, I find myself trying to break away from the band. I can't though because I know when I step through the house, something will break, mentally or physically.

Let me indorsed you to the "love one". His name is Gerard Way. He's sweet to every fan girl and his fucking band. To me, he hates me, now. Back then, before he hit up on drinking, I was the apple of his eyes. I would be there to comfort him; I would love to kiss him and hug him. I would think about him in a lovely dovey way and show off about him to the band. Now, the only way to think of him is through fear.

Ever since he started drinking, I was his prey. I was the one who got the aftermath of everything. I was torment by anyway you can think of it. His favorite was to just slap me and get me to have sex with him. It works every time; if I said no, I would be dead, literally.

I would love to get out; I know that's hard. Were you paying attention in sex ed? The worst part about being in a bond like this is getting out. I pray to get out; I would beg to get out. I want to be out ever since he became different. I want I just…

I'm away now though. I'm on tour with Black Veil Brides, the recent band I just joined with. After their drummer, Sandra, dropped, they offered me the job. I of course joined it; it meant more time for me be away from my nightmares and torture. The band consists of the lead singer, Andy Six or Biersack, guitarists, Jake Pitts and Jinxx, and bassist Ashley Purdy. I join in just before they recorded their second album; I was pushed onto tour. It made me feel happy and safe.

I'm still on tour. I was finishing up an AP tour then going on Warped tour. _I'm farther and farther away. _Gerard is on tour with his band; you have heard of My Chemical Romance right? Well, they are on a tour away from us. Gerard texts me; it's nothing but bullshit.

We just got off stage in New York City; the other band is in Canada. "That was fucking awesome," Jinxx screamed backstage.

I smirked to him. "Great job, guys!" Andy looks at all of us, "Come on, you fucking morons, let's go back on the bus."

The bus was our plan to meet up. It's where we re group because before that we're meeting fans. I went out first. I heard the screaming fans.

"CHRITIAN COMA!"

"CC!"

"GREAT JOB TONIGHT!"

"Thank you guys," I screamed as the bus door opened. "You guys are fucking awesome!" I jumped in. After I got in, Ashley hopped up behind me.

"You did awe- inspiring, CC." Ashley sits down at a booth. I go to grab my phone. I went to twitter.

_NYC! Thank you for the support and love! Kicking it out for a while with AshleyPurdy on the tour bus before the others come. _

I got a text come in from Gerard.

_I miss abusing the shit out of you. You should be closer. You're leaving tonight; you're fucking lucky, Coma. I would be putting you in a coma now. _

Great, like that didn't kill me. My smile was still on; I wanted Ashley to see that I was happy. A couple minutes afterwards, Ashley spoke up. "Did Gee just text you?"

_Sadly…_"Ya, he told me he's getting off stage now, too." Ashley smiles to me. "You are fucking perfect out there, Ashes." Ashley recently broke up with Andy. It sucks for me, Jinxx, and Jake because we deal with their fighting. Ashley took it the hardest though. He gets upset easily. Andy still considers them friends at least.

"You know I'm still upset, right?" Ashley whimpers, "I really miss being in one with Andy."

"Hey," I said. "You'll find that perfect guy or girl soon." All the members—well expect Jake and Jinxx—is bi. Jinxx has Sammi of course; Jake was dating a fan named Crystal. She's sweet and kind. Andy been messing around with a fan too, Maddi. I don't like her as much as I like Crystal and Sammi; she's just too much for me.

"Maybe," Ashley said. The Andy then came in. "I mean, I saw this fan girl, Liz, she was talking to me-well, tweeting to be exact. She seems like a pleasure." He smiles, "She's friends with Sandra's girlfriend. You remember Cassie, right?"

I started laughing that filled the bus. "Cassie was one different one. Wasn't she on sugar or something?"

"I don't know _what _Sandra gave her." Andy spoke up, "They are cute though. Liz is awesome; Maddi hangs around her."

Ashley hid his face from bushing about Liz. I pat his back. I look back to my phone; another text from Gerard.

_Babe, you're not texting. Are you purposely ignoring me? Tsk tsk, CC, tsk tsk. _

Shivers ran down my back. Andy noticed. "Hey, bro, everything alright?"

I fake nodded. I reply to Gerard.

_Jake needed my phone. He was calling Crystal. I'm sorry, please forgive me, Gee. _

I gulped. What can Gerard do? _He's gone Christian. He's fucking gone! _Gone for now though; I'll be back soon with him, throwing me against my will. The will I have lost like hope and confidence.

It was midnight; the rest of the band was asleep. Ashley didn't look like he was. He was in a separate room, writing. Ever since the break up, that's all Purdy will do. He would be crying at points. The crying has stopped at points. _Ashley…he doesn't need to know what happens with me and Gerard, but…_

I got up. I was wide awake after those text messages. Everything Gerard told me is still hitting me. I'm a whore for loving him. I'm a slut for loving him. I'm a cunt for loving him. I'm a bitch for loving him. I'm a faggot for loving him. I'm a this for loving him. I'm a that for loving him. _I'm a victim of abuse and rape for loving him._

I knocked on the door. "Come on," whispers Ashley. I started tearing up; I love this band that I asked hope when needed. They don't need to know why; _it feels like they never will. Someday one of them will need to—_"CC, oh man, come here, buddy."

He pulls me for a hug. I started breaking down. The words cut through me. I cannot breathe; it's as if they are choking me. The words are Gerard; he spoke them. They hit me as if he was here right now. They are killing me. I keep crying.

"CC, what's going on? Every time were on tour, come on. It's Gerard, isn't it?" I nodded. "Aw, baby, you'll be with him soon."

_It's not that way…._

**A/N: Review please!**

**Chapter title: Everybody's fool-Evanescence **

**Fic title: Zoom Into Me- Tokio Hotel **


	2. So many questions, so much on my mind

Chapter 2 So many questions, so much on my mind So many answers I can't find

_Ashley Purdy_

I mean, should I be used to Christian Coma crying some nights on tour? He always says it's because of Gerard. Alright, he misses the dude. It seems deeper though. I don't know what been up with him and Gerard. You know, they keep everything a secret. I guess they look happy, but Christian…he's changed since the last time I met him.

He covers something up. How can I tell? I read people; I'm a writer and artist so of course I can easily. Anyway, back to CC…I mean, have you ever noticed him? He's quiet. When he's with us, he fakes everything. He fakes a laugh and smile about Gerard. There's the text message from last night. He lied; he fucking lied to me. What did Gerard Way _exactly _send though?

Christian sat down with me. I look at my phone. It was 12:46 A.M.; we're still wide awake. "Shit," he whispers. "Sorry, Ashley if I disturbed you from writing."

"It's alright, something's up with you. The band comes first then anything about me." It was the truth. When Jinxx was dealing with issues about him and Sammi, Andy and I dropped even a date for him. "So, is it just missing Gerard?" Christian sighs and nods. _Stop lying, and what did he say in that text message? _"What did he text you?"

Christian looks to me. He shook his head. "Ashley, our relationship is hard to describe to you or any of the members. That's why I keep it private."

"When," I started. "Just when are you going to open it up? Something's beating you down, Coma. I hate seeing you like this. When we go back home, I can hardly see you. Is that because of Gerard?" Christian looks up. "Look, stop worry about, CC. When we get home from tour, you can be with him. I rather though you come and hang out with us the night when we get back to LA."

"I-I don't know, Ash."

"Gerard going to still be gone," I put an arm around him. "You can stay with me if you need to."

"That's the problem," CC whispers. _What's the going on? He's shivering. He's scared when I mention that Gerard is on tour. _"Look, Gerard is demanding. He might want me to go on tour with them…"

"He's really protective, isn't he, Chris?" He nods his head. "I'm guessing we should get sleep, shouldn't we?

"Ya, we have a show tomorrow." He gets up. "Thanks, Ashley."

"No problem," I give him a hug. I sat back down though. I grab my laptop. I keep a tab open of twitter just in case I need help. I went to Google. I typed in the first thing off my mind; how do you know your friend is in an abusive relationship. Does it sound so cheap and stupid I think that?

Well, I knew too many people then. When I was in high school, I could have been caught in one. I knew too many girls who were abusive about the way they wanted things. I was the freak of course, but I dated a couple. I got along with a lot, and gosh to I remember Emily. Emily reminds me of Christian to a point. She was in one; she narrowly escaped with her life. If CC is in one with Gerard, I need to help him before it's too late.

I came across a site that helped. All the signs I quickly read over. "No…no…no…he can't be."

"_**When your friend and her/his partner are together, the partner acts very controlling and puts your friend down in front of other people."**_

_Christian and Gerard were here for a red carpet event. We all brought our dates. I of course had my sweetheart, Andy. Jinxx brought his precious Sammi; Jake had Crystal. Every time you look at Gerard and Christian though, Gee couldn't take his arm off. _

_Christian just smiles to him there._

Another fucking fake smile; he hates Gerard. _Now I see it…._

_I hardly saw CC that night. I never got a chance to talk to Gerard. I saw them though when we head back to the hotel. _

"_You fucking bitch," Gee whispered. _

"_I-I can't!" he whispers out_

_Gerard just smirks. "Of course, you can't because of Black Veil Brides. If it was my choice, I would take you out of that fucking band." _

"_CC!" Jinxx calls out, "Come on, buddy. We're heading back to the tour bus." _

_Gerard death glared him. He ran out of his arms to us. _

Now I can't _ever_ forget that moment. I keep reading down the list.

"_**The partner acts extremely jealous of others who pay attention to your friend."**_

_Gerard came to visit us. Andy and I were paying attention to Christian. We were helping him get ready to see him. Gerard's eyes met us. He mouthed something. "Stay away from him when I am near. _

"_**Your friend becomes quiet when the partner is around and seems afraid of making the partner angry."**_

_Christian, he's like never allowed to speak when Gerard is near. Way always talks to us. CC doesn't even talk to the band mates of Gee's band. _

"_**Your friend stops seeing friends and family members, and becomes more and more isolated."**_

"…_.When we get home from tour, you can be with him. I rather though you come and hang out with us the night when we get back to LA." _

"_I-I don't know, Ash."_

"_**Your friend often has unexplained injuries, or the explanations that are offered don't quite add up. (Sometimes you won't see any bruises, as abusive partners usually target their blows to areas that can be covered with clothing.)"**_

_He must cover the marks. Maybe, just maybe, that's why he wears a lot of war paint. _

_Dammit Ashley…Dammit why haven't you noticed sooner?_

_**Your friend has casually mentioned the partner's violent behavior but dismisses it as "not a big deal."**_

_Just when are you going to open it up? Something's beating you down, Coma. I hate seeing you like this. When we go back home, I can hardly see you. Is that because of Gerard?" Christian looks up._

I sat there, grabbing my star necklace. Tears softly met my cheek. _What if this is right? What if Christian is in an abusive relationship? _I heard a soft knock on the door. "Come in," I whispered.

"Oh!" Jinxx came in, "You're still awake?" I automatically closed the one window and open a word document. It was the one before I was working on, before Christian came in…

"Can't really sleep," I whispered.

"Sammi called," He sighs, falling on the couch, relaxing.

I smiled to him, "Everything okay?"

"She needed to her my voice." He chuckles.

I started typing. I look up, "Invite me to the wedding." Jinxx started laughing; I keep a smirk on my face. I look at the time; it was 6 am. _Damn, have I been up that late worrying about CC? _

"Hey, Ashes," Jinxx sits up. "Have you been suffering insomnia since of you and Andy?"

"A bit, but tonight was totally different." I keep looking at the screen.

_Maybe it's just me, or is Christian in an abusive relationship? I love the guy to death, and maybe it just worries him. Tonight, he came in, crying again. _

"Boy, you're always fucking writing, Purdy." Jinxx stretched out, "So, why exactly are you up tonight?"

"CC came in, crying again." I saved my document. It was kind of like a journal to me. I have different files though now. Poetry, short stories, chapters…I love to write my feelings and ideas.

"Again?" Jinxx stood up, "Should we tell Andy and Jake?"

I shrugged, "He said it was Gerard. I said missing him. He nodded but then…" I spaced out. _Maybe, oh gosh, Ashley, don't think. Don't think; you're totally wrong. You're fucking wrong. _

"Ashley?" Jinxx woke me up a bit. "I'll get Jake and Andy, alright? CC pretty crashed out."

I nodded and open the document again.

_Why?_

_Why am I _

_Just guessing?_

_The rest _

_Don't know. _

_You could be_

_Alive and awake. _

_You choose_

_To hide away. _

_Tell me,_

_I won't judge._

_Why keep it away? _

I saved it and saw Andy and Jake. I closed my laptop. Andy came by me. _I miss you so much. I miss our love. I miss us. _I smiled to him.

"So, what's be going on with Chris?" Jake said.

I took a deep breathe. "Am I the only one who notices Christian has changed since the last time?"

Jinxx comes in closer, grabbing a chair; Jake was against the wall; Andy was kneeling by me. Andy felt something's bothering me. _He still treats me like his boyfriend. _"What," Andy spoke up, "do you mean?"

"I'm guessing it's nothing then. Christian became quieter since the year anniversary with him and Gerard. He's changed from the last time we met him. I don't why I have noticed. Maybe this also sounds crazy, but I did a bit of research." I grab Andy's hand; I squeezed it as tight as possible. _Can it be anyone but CC? _

"Ashley, talk," Jinxx came behind me and places his hand on my shoulder. Jake comes by grabbing my other hand. Andy leans up and kisses my cheek. "Guys, he's terrified."

"Deep breathes, Ashes," Andy said. "It's okay; it's only a guess right?"

"Do you guys think Gerard Way abuses Christian Coma?"

The whole room went silent. "I think we thought of that a long time ago, Ashley."

**A/N: Review! **

**Chapter title: Everybody hurts- Avril Lavigne **


	3. my own worst enemy taking control

Chapter 3 my own worst enemy taking control of things

_Christian _

_ I hate you. I can't stand you. If I wasn't so weak, I would put a gun to your head. You made my life hell. I can't be here. I want to leave. What will happen though? Will I be dead? Will any of my band members be threaten? Why do you hate me so much? Why did I love you? _

All of these thoughts come to my mind every time I wake up. I look at the mirror. I hate the way I look in mornings. _I hate the way I look in general. _I look down on my arms. The bruises from Gerard abusing me before tour are stuck. They are stuckforever. I don't care if they heal. I rather they stay; it reminds that I'm not pretty.

I'm not; I never will be. I never will be loved. Maybe I am at points. It's harder to see from my eyes. Everything been broken through my eyes; _I am still broken. _

I went into the bathroom and worked on covering everything away. I took off my shirt and started working on my pattern. A knock came to the door, "CC! You almost done?" It was Ashes…. "I got work on my make up."

"You can just come in," I really now don't care if anyone sees the mark. Some must be fading, right? Ashley's face pops up. His face looks tired. His eyes are cover already with eyeliner. "Hey," I turn to him. "Everything's okay, no?"

"I'm suffering from some shit." He starts working on his eyes. "How about you, everything okay?"

_No, it's never okay. _"Ya, I guess…"

Ashley takes off his shirt and starts working on his arms. Gosh, I forgot how perfect he looks. Why would Andy dump someone like Ashley? He has a sweet smile, perfect eyes and great body. He also great as a person; he understands me. _He must know soon, Chris…_

"Are you doing okay with the Andy situation?" He froze right there. His eyeliner dropped into the sink. Tears started rolling down. "Ashley!"

He grabs me. He hugs me. I rock him in my arms. I haven't seen Ashley like this ever. I keep my grip on him. He started sliding against the wall, bringing me with him.

"Shit, Christian," He starts breaking down worse. "I fucking miss him. I haven't admitted this to anyone. Everyone will tell me to try again; he fucking loves that bitch though. I can't stand it. I still see us…together. I see us walking, holding hands. I still want my twitter icon to be us; I want to see on my Facebook 'in a relationship with Andy Biersack'. Shit, Christian, do I sound desperate?"

I smiled and shook my head. He looks up, only tearing up. "No, you sound hopelessly lost in romance though." I looked at my phone; it became 7:48 A.M. Rehearsals starts at 10 today. "Come on, Ashley; let's go walking around town for a while."

He got up and threw his shirt on. "Hold up, we both have to finish the make up."

I started laughing; he shot a cute smile. Oh, how adorable he is…_You have Gerard...And if you got together with anyone behind his back, for all you know, you or Ashley could die. _I finished up on my eyes. As Ashley was finishing, I grabbed some stuff. I look to see Jake was on his laptop.

He yawns and turns to me. "Oh, morning CC, didn't know you were awake…"

"Been awake for a while, Jake," He smiles to me. "How's Crystal doing?"

"Missing me like every other girl," He sighs with a smile. "How about Gerard and his band? I saw Ray tweeted something about how it's doing."

_Great, what did I tell Ashley again? I said something that he's missing me, right? _  
>"He texted me last night that his show went great…"<p>

I grab my phone as Jake is talking about how he would love for them to come on tour. _Ya, right, Jake…_Another text from Gerard came in. It was his sweet, non drunk side.

_Hey, babe, hope you're doing well. _

_You're full of shit. You wish I was dead. You rather be here and abusing me until I cry, abusing me until I was dead in your arms. My fear, my only fear, you abusing me. You rape me again. You come back early and will be drinking. You downpour your stress and drinking on me; I take the aftermath. I take the pain; I will never forget the way you treat me…_

"Christian?" I turned to see Ashley. He walks over to me quietly, "Ready to go?"

"Uh, ya, Jake," I slapped the back of his head. He turns and growls. "Sorry," I and Ashley started laughing. "If Jinxx or Andy looks for us, tell them to call my cell phone."

"Where are you guys going exactly?"

I looked to Ashley; he shrugged. "Around town then, I guess."

Jake nods. Ashley and I got off the bus. I felt a buzz from my phone; it was a text from Frank Iero. Frank…Well, if you don't know Frankie, he's their rhythm guitarist. He's fucking awesome at points. He also has a sweet heart unlike his friend.

_I don't know how you deal with Gerard drunk. Christian, you're brave, man. I'm thinking of getting him into help, your thoughts?_

A smile went across my face. If he gets help, maybe he'll become the old Gerard. I don't know though; I can't trust him too much.

_Might be a good idea, Frank. I don't know how to get out of him drunk though. You never know what to expect. You get me, right? _

Ashley saw me texting. He grabs the phone out of my hand and shuts it off. "Dude, come on, what if like Andy is looking for us?"

"Stay away from Gerard or news about him for…a couple hours." Ashley turns on my phone now. "Promise, CC? Just you, me and the beautiful NYC."

Ashley started twirling on the sidewalk. I broke into a roar of laughter. Ashley smirked again. "So, where do you want to go?"

He shrugs. "I don't know," he starts coming by me, "but it's New York City, what _couldn't _we do?"

"Good question," we ended up going to Central park. Ashley tries to grab one of the bottles of water from my hand. "Hey, magic word?"

"Fuck you, CC," I held it up high. See, Ashley is the shortest in the band; we tease him too much. He gave up, giving me the puppy look. I finally give in and toss the bottle to him. "So, about you and Gerard, I'm sorry if this is personal but…what has he done to you while he's…drunk?"

I stuttered a bit. Am I ready? Will I ever be ready? "Ashley, I don't know if I'm ready…"

"Tell me when you are," Ashley grabs my hand. "We're worried about you, Christian."

"I know," I whispered. "Ashley, I'm worried about you though."

"What do you-?"

"Listen in for a second," I said. He nods, "You're hopeless lost in romance. You need to get out of this phase of you and Andy. He's gone, having fun with Maddi. I know it's killing you. Andy doesn't probably think about you as much as you're still.

"Ashley, I'm sorry if I'm becoming harsh or rude, Ashes. I just am really—"

"Shut up for a second…" He mumbles. "Stay still," He puts his hand on my cheek and kisses me.

_He kissed me…_

_ Don't hurt me, Gerard. It wasn't my fault. Don't blame me. He pulled me into it. You'll love me for the last thing I do. _"I'm sorry, Christian—"

My hand touched his cheek…and left one hell of a mark.

_Don't abuse me tonight, Gerard. I did as you would tell me to do…_

**A/N: Cliffhanger! One thing you need to learn about me: I love my cliffhangers.**

**Chapter title: Eyes Set to Kill- The World Outside**


	4. I try to chase the memories away

Chapter 4 I try to chase the memories away but they haunt me everyday

_Ashley_

_ I'm sorry for loving you. Everything inside me is still killing me. You are the only one caring. You trusted me; I needed to show it back. I didn't need that though. I just love you. _

I got up and stared into Christian's eyes. He came near me, "Ashley, oh shit, Ashley, I didn't—" I bolted away from him. _No everything is happening. Everything is happening too quickly. _"ASHLEY!"

_No, I can't look at you. I just kissed you. I just touch your lips with mine. Christian, I never meant to hurt you. You just made everything worse. _I caused it, though didn't I? It was something with Gerard…wasn't it?

"Wait," a fan grabs my other hand. It woke me from my living nightmare. "Oh you're Ashley Purdy, right?"

"I'm sorry," I said. "I got to get back to the bus. Um, here," I signed her magazine quickly. She smiles for me. "I'll meet you before the show, your name, please?"

"I'm Liz," She smiles. "Andy wanted me to meet you?"

"Oh," I gasped out. "Ya, later, I promise…"

She nods and walks off. I still had my hand on my cheek. It was burning up. It must still be a mark of CC's hand. I got onto the tour bus and ran my way to the bathroom.

One of the members caught me by my free arm. I turned to find Andy. "Oh, Ashley, there you are!" He sighs, "I was looking for you to meet Liz. I tried texting CC, but he didn't answer back; you know, you should have your phone, too, Ashes."

"I know," I whispered. "Andy, I got to—"

"Where did you guys even go? And where the hell is CC?" _Come on, I don't need this, Andy. _

"Oh, we went for a walk then to central park." I sat down. My hand was still touching the fire of the burn. It wasn't getting burned but only killed a bit. The burning grew higher and higher as the thoughts of Christian came. "He wanted to talk to Gerard for a while." _Perfect lie… _

"Oh well, okay," He sits across from me. "How was the walk?"

"Oh you know, CC teasing me. We were joking around like we always do. You know…me, prancing in the streets of New York City."

"This is why we don't trust you alone, Ashley." I started biting my lip.

I faked a smile. It showed pain; _doesn't he notice?_ "Hey, wait," Andy looks into my eyes. "Ashley, you look like you're going to cry. What happened?"

"Just nothing," I jumped up. "Let me get ice and then I'll talk."

"Ashley, please," He grabs the arm with my hand on my cheek. I gripped tighter. He forcefully pulls it down. "ASHLEY WHO IN FUCKING HELL SLAPPED YOU?"

_Too much, everything…too much everything….too much everything…too much…everything…stress…thoughts…cuts…suicide….love….Christian….Andy…._

"ASHLEY PURDY, FUCKING ANSWER ME!"

_Everything….I can't feel it…love…hate…freedom…the burn…Andy…._

"Shit, Andy!" I heard a girl screamed. "Let go of Ashley now!" _Sandra…She's back. _"I'm here to _help_ bothof you not watch you both _kill_ each other."

"Sandra, look at his fucking cheek!" I was pushed off to the side.

"Well, are you just going to hurt him more?" Sandra helps me up, "Come here, Ashley. Andy, look, he's scared."

"Treating him like a kid much," Andy murmurs.

Sandra got up and slapped Andy. "I treated _all of you _like this when I was in the fucking band! What happened after I left? You all broke into fucking fighting!" She gives me a hand, "Oh, Ashley, come on step outside with me."

"FUCKING FINE, FOLLOW HER, ASHLEY! JUST FORGET WHO ACTULLY LOVED YOU FOR A WHILE!"

Sandra pulled me out of the bus. We heard Andy yelling at Jinxx and Jake to get out. They did as followed. I bit my lip more; the burn was followed by water, _my tears. _It was over Christian. Speaking of the second bitch, he came towards Jinxx and Jake.

"What the hell happened?" CC whispered, "I _never _seen Andy so bitchy."

"I never have seen it since that break up." Sandra whispered, "You remember that bitch, Heather?"

"Oh gosh, these time its worse." Jake said, "Ashley what happened with your cheek?"

Christian holds his place. He took a deep breathe. I glanced over to him. His eyes met mine. _I'm sorry _read over his eyes. _Be sorry, I and Andy are fighting. Be sorry that I'm in this mess. Be sorry I'm…shit. _

"Ashley," Sandra grabs my hand. "Come with me." She brings an arm around me. I walk with her. "Ashley, have you thought of quitting?"

"No," I shot back. "Even if I'm fighting with Andy, this band is my life. I can't give up because of our fucked up lead singer."

Sandra looks at me. She nods, "Trust me, if I didn't have the second band, I won't have quit. I loved you guys…"

"Sandra, we still think of you." She smiles, "I miss you like a sister." I stopped her and hugged her.

"Come on; let's stop in to Star Bucks." We both walked in, I held the door for her. "Thank you, Mr. Purdy."

"Damn, how I missed you, Miss. Alvarenga," She smiles again. She fixes her sunglasses a bit. "It's not sunny out; why are you wearing them?" I smirked to her.

She giggles. "Purdy, you know how to make a lesbian smile."

"You know how to make me move and want to kiss you."

"Uh," The girl behind the counter looks at us. "Next?"

I went first, "I'll have a hot green tea with a little bit of honey mixed in." I looked to Sandra, "And for her, a vanilla flavored mocha frapuccio with a stick of chocolate and extra cream."

"Hell no," she screams. "Purposely getting me hyper?"

"Come on," I whined. "It will be fun" The girl gave us our drinks. "Thanks…." I looked at the name tag, "Jenna." I sent her a wink.

She giggled, "No problem, Mr. Purdy."

I sat down with Sandra. She grabs the coffee and starts sipping it. "Remember when you, I, and Andy were last here?"

"Oh right," I whispered. "We got you the same drink, and you were prancing the streets."

"The cops were called."

I cracked up and took a sip of my drink. "That was the best part. Maybe, you know, maybe I should get Andy something."

"Ya, what happen?" I looked away, "Ashley, come on. I'm one of your best buds. I won't tell Andy."

"Christian slapped me."

"Wait, why? You guys get along like we used to."

"I-I," I looked at her. "I kissed him. He slapped me. I don't know, Sandra."

"Give it time, kiddo," she whispers. "Come on, I'm not hyper yet, but want to meet Liz? My girlfriend—oh you remember Cassie—love the gal. She has a great personally and stuff. You'll really like her, Ashes."

"Come on, let's meet her." She led me to the tour bus. I saw Jinxx and Jake inside, Christian was outside, on the phone with Gerard.

"I'm sorry," he winces. "I…I know, Gee, I know…I know…Okay…"

Sandra high fives him then we head onto the bus. I went to find Andy; he was in his room, sketching. "I'm sorry," I said.

"I'm sorry, too." He gives me a hug, "Ashley, just be careful."

"I am," I whispered.

"Liz," Andy waves for her to come in. Cassie was behind here, one arm around Sandra.

I quickly caught her the last time. This time I fully see her. Her hair was short and spunky red. Black highlights made it more pretty. Her crystal, blue eyes draw me like Andy's did. Her make up was making her stand out. She wore a Black Veil Brides t-shirt with black skinny jeans, wore out. A black bracelet stood out; in script white writing, it read out "Purdy". She was pretty; I loved it.

"Hi," she whispers.

I grabbed her hand. "Wow, you're perfect. I'm sorry, I didn't notice that before."

"I think you look better," she whispers. I leaned down and already made the first move. "Wow, quick one, Purdy."

I heard high five-ing in the background. "I knew it," Andy said.

"Well finally they met," Jinxx screams.

"Fucking fuck, do they look HAWT or what!" Jake yelps "Get her, Ashes!"

"Oh shush it," Cassie shushes them. "Give them time."

"Eh," Sandra says. "Ashley never does that. Sooner or later, she'll be in his bed."

I kissed Liz again. _Sandra, why were you so fucking right? _

!

I went to the private room after the concert. Everyone crashed out pretty easily. Sandra was kicking it with us for the rest of tour; Cassie and Liz were also coming. Liz was in the room already.

"Hey," I whispered. She had a smirk on her face.

"Come here, darling," I came by her. I held her in my arms. "Please, let's…"

I breathed out; I know what she wants, "I trust you."

"Good," She took off her tank top, reliving her bra. She got on top of me, making out. I grabbed the bra and unhooked it. She gasped with a smile. "Dirty little boy," she whispers.

"That's Purdy Porn for you," I wrapped my arms around her waist. She started playing with my jeans. I grasped it.

"Please," She whispers. I started kissing her. "Ashley…come on."

I pushed her off, lightly. "Liz, there's too much going on."

"I do understand, but can't we talk then?" She went and grabbed her tank top and bra. She put them on. "Ashley, first off, Sandra told me who slapped you and the rest of the story." She kisses me, "Even if you're gay or bisexual or whatever, I never judge. I learned the hard way in life to not."

"Hard way?" I looked at her, "What about you? What's going on?"

"Well," She sat next to me in bed. "I'm bisexual; I dated Sandra actually before she met Cassie. I also was tormented most of my Middle School years. You would think High School, right?" She smirks a bit. "I was beleaguered for being different. I cut and thought of suicide. My notebooks were 'disappearing' also known as being thrown in trashes or ripped. I was bullied for dating my long-distance girlfriend. I was the one who has social protection. Ever heard of that?" I shook my head. "It means a fucking aid is stalking you."

"Liz, look," I kissed her. "For now, I want to be with you. I don't know how long, but I want to make you happy." She smiles to me. I touch her cheek. "I do like you, a lot. You're very pretty; never let anyone tell you in a dissimilar way. Don't let fan girls get to you; they almost did to Sammi and watching that…" I shook my head. "You are mine for as long as I need you."

She lies next to me. "Come on, let's get sleep."

I put my arms around her. "I need you for now."

She looks up. She smiles then rests back to position. I looked towards the doorway. I felt depression kicking me in the heart. Christian was there with a smile. It kicked me though. It must hurt him. He's alone now even if he has Gerard. _I know I'm right; he's in a relationship that kills him. I know he is abused…._

**A/N: Uh, Cliffhanger? XD**

**One mini freak out: Jinxx retweeted and tweeted me like….2 days ago! He's such a sweetheart and cutie. Life=made for the rest of the school year or until I meet him XD. Oh ya and now Sandra apparently follow me. **

**Yes, Liz is a bit based off me. I was dared to put myself in it. Sorry if it makes you mad. The only thing is she's going to be everything I want to be when I grow up. **

**Oh BTW, on my profile, there will be a banner for this fic. Check it out under my fan art section**

**On that note, Review? **

**Chapter title: Falling- David Archuleta**


	5. you get your fix out of causing me pain

Chapter 5 you get your fix out of causing me pain

_Christian _

It only was a couple more months. I and Ashley barely talk now. If you knew me and Ashley, we could chat up storms. Now we're totally quiet. I make eye contact and talk if I need to; we just are breaking. _Can't I blame Gerard?_

I looked over at my calendar. It was now May 7th. AP tour ends tonight then another show tomorrow. I'm back to my worse nightmares afterwards.

"CC," Jinxx's face appears upon. See, my bunk is below his. He just pops in whenever he wants to. "Come on, dude move over. I want to talk."

I move to side as he jumps in. He checks to see if Andy, Ashley or Jake are near. He pulls me off the bed. "Jinxx, what the fuck do you want?"

"Come on," I pushed up. We threw me on the couch. "What the hell is up with you and Ashley?"

"Nothing—"

"Shut up," Jinxx shot back. Jinxx is never this strong. He needs the band though; he would be depressed without…that and Sammi. "We just want to help, CC."

"Help with what? It's been feeling lately that none of you understand me!"

"Because unlike how we share everything to each other, you shut out. You hide all your feelings then only show us by crying. We know nothing though expect the fact its Gerard. Look, I have Sammi, but do you see me obsessing over her that much?"

"It's _nothing_," I growled back. _Spit it out, CC, he's your best friend. _

"No, CC, it's something alright. Tell me when you changed back to the band member we used to like."

It hit me as hard as Jinxx slammed the door. I was alone on the tour bus. Tears drizzled down my eyes. Was I losing myself in Black Veil Brides? _Stop it, and tell someone. _

!

The last night came to close; I saw the sun rise. I was catching a flight back to LA. I saw the guys before I caught my flight. Andy was the first one to grab me for a hug. "See you around, CC, enjoy life!"

Jake grabbed me second. "I'll miss performing with you. Catch up with you during Warped Tour."

Jinxx smiled to me. I and Jinxx…Well, we barely been talking to him. We still like each others as band members; I'm guessing the friendship been shaken. He hugs me and whispers, "It's going to be okay. Maybe the next tour won't be as…stressful."

Ashley looked at me. "I'm boarding the flight with you. I need to get back to LA to see Liz." I nodded, "Is Gerard meeting you? I know his tour ended."

"Ya," I huffed out. "I guess I will be seeing him."

Ashley nods. We got on the flight. "Come sit next to me," Ash whispers. "I'm sorry for kissing you."

"I'm sorry for slapping you."

"I forgive you," we both said in a choir. Ashley chuckles with a smile.

I watch him as he pulled a pad out. "Liz is lucky," I mumbled, "you're not a bad kisser."

Ashley colors in his cheeks. He then smirks. "I have been working on artwork for her." He pulls out a drawing. It was Liz, curled into a ball. She was inside a flower. Ashley captured her beauty too well.

"Purdy, you are amazing…"

"Keep looking through," he whispers. I did as I was told. There were sketches of us. There was one of all of us at the counter, joking around. There was one after a show with me with the bra on my head. There was then one of a close up of Ashley. Tears where at his eyes. A rose was held in his hands. I look at the date. It was the same day we started AP tour; same day him and Andy broke apart.

There were sketches of Jinxx playing guitar. There was a sketch of Jake being the crazy shit he is. I came across one of Andy, kissing Ashley. I came across some of me. There were a couple of us hanging out. There was one of me alone on stage behind my drum set.

"Ashes," I gasped out. "These are so great. They have such realism in them." He smiles to me. "I'll miss you, Ashes."

"Me too, CC." A couple hours passed; we were parting our ways.

I saw Liz there. She was in a short silver dress. Her eyelids were covered in blue eye shadow with a smoky touch. Her shoes were black flip-flops with rhinestones all around them. Her nails—both toes and fingers—was painted black. Her lips wereCarmelapple colored. "You're lucky," I whispered to Ashley.

He meets my eyes and sees Liz. He runs and spins her around. With her legs around his waist and his arms supporting her, they kissed. She jumps off him and hugs him again. Near them, a red hair guy caught my eyes.

"Gee," I whispered. _It was time to fake…_

"Hey, baby boy," He kisses me. "How was the tour?"

"At the beginning, too much fun, but then…"

"Fights break out," Gerard whispers. He comes closer to my ear, "Like us…"

I gulped as we walked into the car. I pulled myself together. Something was going to happen tonight. I just knew it.

!

"CC," Gerard's sweet voice lingers through out the house. "Come out, CC, it's time for your revenge." I whimpered. "Coma, Christian Coma, why did you kiss him?"

"I didn't—"

"Oh he did?" Gerard slaps me, "Then why did you keep going?"

The burn came again. I was so worn to the burn though. I'm so used to him abusing me. It's like I'm supposed to let it happen. Another burn came. Gerard throws something in my mouth.

It was a ball shaped. It was burning my mouth. The ball was probably as hot as CA right now. "Suck it," Gerard commands. "Suck it like you suck me…or maybe how you suck Ashley…"

I did as I was told. Fire was commanding me to listen. What would happen if I didn't? Mostly likely, I would be dead. _Maybe death is better then this. _

Gerard pushes and slaps me. He pushes his body against me. "Why you disobey me, Christian?"

"I didn't mean to," I choked on the ball. Gerard reaches down and grabs it from my mouth. My mouth was burnt forever. _Thanks again, Gee…_

Gerard got up. The bruises were there again, forming up, creeping on me...haunting. He got another drink. _Now's your time, CC! _Even how weak I am, I got up and ran to my room. "RUN, COMA!" Gerard screams, "Run from your fears. You'll always be like that. You're exactly what you band doesn't teach."

I started crying. The pain was linger, telling me this is how to live. This is how to live? Why doesn't Ashley abuse Liz then? Why doesn't Jinxx force Sammi to suck on a hot, metal ball? Why didn't Ashley slap Andy when he kissed Maddi when she was a fan? Why is this happening to me?

I curl to my bed. It's only 7 pm. I didn't want to be out though. I wanted to be alone, crying. I want to feel depression on my shoulders. I sat there for an hour, breaking down. Pain was killing me. I really hope Frank keeps to his word. I hope he gives Gerard the help he needs.

My phone sung out to Sweet Blasphemy. It meant one of the band members were calling. It turned out to be Ashley. I picked up and stop crying. "Hey, CC, I just wanted to make sure everything with you and Gerard are okay. You know, the fact we—"

"Ashley, stay back from me. It will only hurt you and hurt me worse. It will hurt Gerard and Liz, too."

"CC wait man—"

I hung up.

**A/N: Guys, please review not just favorite or message. I know I seem desperate but I think I have like two reviews. Please?**

**ASHLEY PURDY DM ME! Okay done XD**

**Chapter title song: Beat me Up- Allison Iraheta**


	6. Just open your jaded eyes

Chapter 6 just open your jaded eyes

_Ashley_

The line dropped and so did my heart. I didn't know it could hit me this much. Christian Coma couldn't talk to me. I knew it. I was right. No one belied me. CC is abused by Gerard Way.

I went into my bedroom; Liz was already there. She was working a comb through her now long, red hair. She finally grabbed the rubber around her wrist and tied her locks into a small bun. I come behind her and kissed her cheek. She smiles, grabbing my arm. She grasps as if it's a little kid terrified; _it was as if she was CC…_

I pull her in front of me, and I just hugged her. I keep rocking her back and fourth. I didn't want to let go. All the fears...I didn't want to feel them. I just wanted to be in this moment with Liz forever.

She breathes out and pushes away with her hands. She leans up and kisses me. "Ashley, what's going on?" She lies down on the bed.

I sat up. She then came up behind me, wrapping her arms around me, claming me down. "Well, on tour, after the kiss," I signed. "I and CC broke into fighting. The band of course worried about it. If anything, I and Coma loved to talk to each other. Jinxx tried to talk to him; that didn't work out well. Sandra tried to help me; that kind of help…I guess."

"So," she whispers, bringing me closer. "What did you guys talk about now?"

"Chris doesn't want me to see him anymore. Liz is it stupid to think that I think CC is abused?"

"Oh darling that's the least thing I think about Gerard and Christian."

'Why though, Liz? Everything they do is so fake. Gerard is so protected over Christian. I didn't even really get to say goodbye to him…"

"Come on," She pulls me into a kiss. She then leans back, letting me come on top of her. I kissed her then fell next to her. I put my hands through her hair. She starts drifting off. Everything's fine, as she said. It hit me though.

_What if Gerard's hurting him now? He's ill-treating you friend. You're just falling asleep though. You're hoping CC overacting. You're taking Liz's words. Get up, Ashley; you love him more then ever. Get up, Ashley; you need to help him. Get up!_

I came closer to Liz's ear. "I have to check."

"Be safe," she mumbles.

I ran to the living room. I grabbed my phone and keys. I texted Andy, Jinxx and Jake something before I went to the car.

_Did I forget to mention? I kissed Christian Coma. _

_**You're Not Alone**_

I went to the car and put the keys on. Our album was blaring through. I didn't pay attention though. I tried to remember how to get to their house. Fear was pushing me. I didn't know who or what to expect when I got there. I parked on the side of the street and ran to the door.

I knocked. Three vibrates came. This meant I got 3 texts. Another came in; _probably Jinxx, Jake, Andy and Liz. _I didn't want to check; I didn't when this god damn door was going to open. Finally, it swung open. I shot pack, avoiding my face to get hit. The imp met eyes with me; it was Gerard Way.

"Well," He whispers. "Isn't it Ashley damn Purdy?"

"It is," I growled.

"Come in," he shots back. I did, noticing a couple things. Gerard's eyes were as red as his hair. He was walking weird; of course, it's obvious. Gerard Way is drunk, what's new? A bottle read his name whenever I saw the asshole.

"So," he slurs on his words. "Why did you kiss him?"

"I didn't mean—"

Gerard pushed me to a wall. I was against my own will. _You know how Christian feels now. _I closed my eyes. "You did mean it! You meant it for some reason, Purdy!"

"I thought I was in love—" A slap came across my face. It was hard. It was like Christian's. _Well, now I know where he got it from… _Gerard kicked me to the floor. I felt my head be punted like a soccer ball.

I screamed out in pain. Gerard picked me up and threw me on the couch. I fell onto my back. I felt my body want to give in. _Never give up, never…_He punches me one more time. Blackness took over my eyes. I felt a touch in the morning. I woke in pain. I felt tears come over me.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. _It's Christian Coma… _

**A/N: Learn to love my cliffhangers! :) **

**Song title: Zoom into Me- Tokio Hotel**


	7. see the world behind my wall

Chapter 7 see the world behind my wall

_Christian _

_I felt myself running. I was running from my fears. I running from the one I used to love. I used to love…_

_ It was being put against a wall. I was old against my motivation. I never had a say. I feel like I never will. I'm still running. As you tell your fans, keep running. Keep running, CC. _

_ I felt myself fall upon someone arms. I look up. He's my only savoir. He can help me. He knows me. It was Ashley Purdy…_

I woke up with an infamous Gerard Way hangover groan. I looked to find him on our couch in our room. I got up and leaned down to him. I gave him a fake, sudden kiss on the forehead. I touched his cheeks as he met my eyes. "Morning," I smiled. _Fake it…_

He groaned. "I know," I whispered. "I'll make the coffee and shit. Stay up here and rest, Gee." He slightly opened his eyes, and I placed a kissed on his lips.

I went downstairs, thinking of drum beats to our new songs. Once I got to the kitchen, I started tapping my fingers to "Set the World on Fire". I started humming along as if Andy was singing. _I fucking miss them…_

I went to the living room. I looked down to find my band mate on the couch. I gasped at the sight. He was beaten up. His cheek showed dried up blood. His face left imprints of bruises. I touched his hands as tear fell down. "I'm sorry," I rumored.

He sat a bit. "Is everything okay?" He shook his head. "Here, let me take you to the ER, Ashley." I picked him up. _Gerard will mind…_Gerard hurt my best friend, why should I be caring?

I went to his car and rest him in the back gently. His eyes were open now. I went into the front seat as Ashley gives me his keys. "How are you feeling?"

"Just hurt, that's it, Christian…" He mutters. I spotted in the front and got a nurse to help Ashley. I called the others. I first tried Jinxx.

"Hello," Jinxx says.

"Jinxx, it's CC…" I signed out.

"Hey, Liz is over, wondering where Ashley is. Do you have any idea?"

"He's in the hospital." Jinxx gasped. "He came over to check on me and fell."

"Oh man, I'll call the guys. We're coming down now."

The line dropped. I went inside, asking for Ashley's room. I went across the hallway. I always hate the scent of them. It sickly, and it creeps me out. Ever since Gerard has put me in so many, I have been scared of them. I came to Ashley's room. Room 204…One of the rooms I had…

I walked in, seeing Ashley with a cast on his leg. I bit my lip, hiding tears. "Hey," I said. "Anything really horrible, Ashley?"

"A couple stitches, too," as I came closer, I noticed his lip. I heard a knock at the door. The door slowly opened. Andy's make up less face popped up. "I snuck from Maddi to come here. She was asleep after a hard night."

Next to him were Jake and Crystal. She had some flowers in her hands. "Hey," Jake says. "How bad is it?"

"Stitches and cast," I mumbled. "I'm sorry…"

"It was my fault." Ashley lied, "Don't act like I'm suing my band mate."

A smile was brought across our faces. The door was open again. Jinxx came in, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Man, Ashley…"

"Did Liz come?" He whispers.

Jinxx shook his head. "She…She's with Sammi. She didn't…want to see you injury."

Ashley nodded slightly. "Um, if you guys mind, can I talk to CC, alone?" I took a seat as the rest left. "I was right." He mumbles to himself. His eyes fall on me. "I knew you were hurt for a reason."

"You found out the harsh way, Ashley Purdy." I started tearing up. "I am in a abusive relationship with Gerard Way and had no idea on how to tell you."

**A/N: SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN SO LONG! So many fics, so much shit because of 8****th**** grade year and oh my god! I miss you all!**

**Review please!**

**Chapter title- World Behind my Wall- Tokio Hotel **


	8. but there's no where to hide

Chapter 8 but there's no where to hide from the ghost in my mind

_Ashley_

I noticed tears coming out of Christian Coma's eyes. Christian Coma, one of the strongest members of the band…my best friend. "Gosh, CC, if I could right now, I would give you a hug."

He couldn't smile though. "Thanks," he whispers back. "So, any questions?"

"Why does he do it?"

He signs, "He does it when he's…drunk. Whenever he picks up a bottle of whiskey, a slap is slammed across my face. One simple glass of wine, and then comes one shot to me."

"What is the recent thing he did?" I'm scared to hear, but I need to.

"He stuffed a mental ball in my mouth." He closes his eyes. "He took it out of the oven and just threw it in my mouth. He keeps slapping, pushing me…." I saw him shivering. "I ran…He went to get another drink. I ran upstairs. You then called…Ashley, I didn't want you near Gerard. I knew something like this would happen."

"You should have told me." I said, "CC—"

"How was I supposed to, Ashley Purdy?" He shot back. "How was I not afraid you would run off and tell someone? The media would then find out, and I would be abused more. I would be dead, Ashley. Gerard threatens so much and…" He starts crying.

I never have seen him so weak. Those days on tour never count because I thought it was home sick. I noticed why now. He's scared, upset, and dramatize. He's fucked up and in a bad way. I don't mean to say that, but can't you see that? Gerard has messed up everything we say.

"Christian," I whispered. "Does-does anyone else know?"

"Frank Iero," he says. "He-he had the same thing happen to him. He came to check up on Gerard. He caught him, throwing me off a wall. He ran over to me, but…Gerard…Gerard…hurt his own friend."

I shivered at that. How can Gerard do this? Does he even have a soul? I shook my head, trying to get the thoughts off. I shuffled around to make room for CC. "Come here, Christian…"

He got up from his seat and came next to me. I lean up and kissed his forehead. I brushed his hair out of his eyes and behind his ear. "You're amazing. I don't care when Gerard has told you. You're my best friend, and I know you're perfect. This will go away soon, and it will get better."

Tears fell from his eyes. I kissed them away. He smiles and leans in with his lips. I kissed back. He put his hand behind my neck. I placed my hand on his cheek. This felt so real and so good.

"You don't know how much I love you, Ashley Purdy."

**A/N: Again sorry for not updating in so long!**

**Hope you guys like!**

**Chapter title: The Mirror Blue Night- Spring Awakening Cast**


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